Love — The Heart of Each Other.

By Virginia Beck

A Hawaiian monk seal was caught hugging itself by British photographer Claire Lower. www.clairelowerphotography.com.

Everything is done for love of something or someone. True feelings of Aloha are simply this.

Even bad things are done because of misplaced love. Love gone missing from damaged people. Unloved children. Normal emotions confused with addiction to objects, substances, power. All expressions of the need for love. A momentary “high,” confused with life-sustaining love. Addiction. Shopping, sex and extreme sports also trigger bursts of brain chemicals that are addicting.

Love is a positive requirement for the heart in the same way that oxygen is. We need it to live, grow and thrive.

Virginia Satir, a pioneering family therapist, said, “We need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, 12 to grow and thrive.” Data driven. Even organizational management is based on her model of managing difficult human situations. Connecting humans for growth.

Kaua‘i is a great place for love. Maybe the planetary source of love. At least for you. Here, you can share your love of family, marriage, coworkers, or marry your beloved. We may become the Honeymoon capital of Hawai‘i.

Honeymoons are times to share the wealth of the planet, the stars, the ocean with the beloved.

Tribal protocol teaches we are all included. Respecting our differences reminds us we are on a tiny lifeboat in the middle of a huge ocean of water and space and stars. We need every one of us.

Humans survived because our ancestors lived more in touch with the natural world and our instinctive nature to connect with others. Native Hawaiians, the first people of Kaua‘i, lived in traditional ways, similar to other tribal cultures. This was the natural way people connect with the environment.

Sustainably, because they know they owe their lives to the land (‘aina), the ocean, and the air.

Hawaiians don’t kiss as the traditional greeting. The “honi,” or sharing of breath, was part of the greeting along with leis of mountain greenery and scented berries (mokihana) or flowers. Westerners loved the hug with flowers, but left out respecting the moment of sharing and breathing together. We are joined in the fact that we share the air of the same place. Breathing together helps our hearts fall into “entrained,” or matching, rhythms.

Try doing this. When we are happy, it is natural to do. Those huge sighs of relief after stress are self-calming and protect our hearts. Deep breathing when confronted with someone else’s upset secretly helps them calm down without aggravating their upset. Stealth love!

Take time today to appreciate the miracles of work and service to each other around you. An ancient teacher reminds us, “Work is love made visible.”

Virginia Beck

Appreciate what is given and what is received. How much is given to you? How much do you give back? Give back with an effortless smile, whole-hearted thanks and generous tips to the service workers around you. Even beach caretakers and housekeepers appreciate comments such as, “Thank you for doing this for us. Mahalo.” Especially those in the over-worked healthcare facilities. Or daycare.

Hearts have their own nervous system, one that controls the rate of beating and other functions. When two hearts are deeply connected, their rhythms begin to match. In Hawai’i, the traditional greeting was not a kiss. It was the sharing of what is most precious to life, the breath.

Perhaps what we call humanity can only exist in the space between two humans.

We share life for such tiny moments, and live “Aloha.” It makes life great.

• Virginia Beck, NP and Certified Trager® Practitioner, offers Wellness Consultation, Trager Psychophysical Integration and teaches Malama Birth Training classes. She can be reached at 635-5618.