Dear Cary

Dear Cary,

My husband and I have been married over seven years and have two children, a 6 and 4 year-old. Before the kids came we had a fun romantic life. Now, practically none.

We love each other and are very committed to our kids. Our sensual/sexual relationship has fizzled out because we’re too tired and busy from working and caring for the kids. Honestly, since I had my kids, my libido has practically disappeared.

What can we do to get the “honeymoon” back again? 

Sue K., Kapa’a

Aloha Sue,

Both of you deserve a high-five for your dedication to your relationship and kids. Your situation is common. Here are five tips to revitalize your love and romance.

Tip #1: Your relationship is your most important and valuable investment. Begin to put the relationship as a priority before the kids, ’cause if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

Tip #2: Have an “affair” with your husband. Plan a secret weekend get-away — from camping to a five star resort. Tell him what clothes he needs, but not where you’re going. Text him romantic messages daily a few days before leaving for your get-away. Arrange for the kids to be watched by friends. This gives a new meaning to “friends with benefits,” as you later return the favor for them.

During the juicy weekend “pillow talk” about your dreams and passions. Create new ways to have more time for the two of you. Share with each other what pleases you sensually. The next secretive affair is on him to plan.

Tip #3: Get help around the house. Hire a teenager, your inexpensive personal assistant. From chores to watching the kids while you run errands or off to a Zumba class. Go to your local high school and ask for names of quality kids that you can trust to help you.

Tip #4: If your libido still needs a little lift, take some vitamins or tinctures, they work. Check with your doctor or natural health practitioner.

Tip #5: Remember to think and feel loving thoughts about yourself each day. The amount you are “lovin’ you” is equal to the love you offer your husband and vice versa. It’s vital for him to actively take steps to make sure you are happy. Why? Go back an read the last sentence of tip #1.

Cary Valentine is a certified relationship expert, author and wedding officiate. He is thrilled to write about how to overcome daily challenges for singles, couples and families. To learn more and view relationship videos: Facebook.com/InLoveForeverCaryValentine